kyshona armstrong

 
 
One thing I have been struggling with this past year is, simply, living in the moment.  

I have this mind that enjoys replaying the past.  It could be the past 5 years or the past 5 minutes.  I play it over and over and over in my head, COMPLETELY missing out on the experiences happening to me and around me at that very moment.  

Heaven forbid something amazing occur in my life!  Then I'm focused on the future and where this blessing could lead rather than just enjoying the blessing itself.  

By harping on the past and the future, I've felt a bit ungrateful for where I actually AM at this point in my life.  

A friend of mine told me about this book, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskcamp.  The premise is simply retraining ourselves to recognize and give thanks for the little (or big) things in life that bring us joy and happiness.  By doing so, we are connecting and giving thanks to God.  

It could be the way the sun shines through the blinds in the morning, making that awesome shadow on the wall.  It could be the feel of warm grass on your feet, the sound of the wind in the trees, the smell of fresh baked muffins in a coffee shop.  Recognizing and acknowledging all of these small "pleasurable" moments, for me, is like a jolt back to reality.  A moment to say... WOW!  Thank YOU for placing me right where I am.  I am precisely where I need to be, seeing or feeling what is around me.  If anything, it has made me talk with God more.  And that's something I've definitely missed this season.

Last year, while touring the country on my own, I had NO choice but to speak with and pray to God 24/7.  I mean... I was stranded in airports at times, riding the Greyhound bus system (yikes!), navigating through busy cities (or country towns) on my own. I ended up in some pretty sketchy and scary situations... but the whole time I had this rolling commentary with God.  (ex., "Alright... I know this Walgreens is being robbed while I'm back here looking for cold medicine, but Lord, PuhLEASE let my taxi driver still be out there when I make a run for it" <---- True story)

This year, thank GOODNESS, I have company during my travels.  Flesh and Blood company.  Having Dylan along on this year's tours has been a TRUE blessing.  He plans well and doesn't operate on my Pisces way of thinking (just send good thoughts and good things will happen).  I've been able to sit back and allow Dylan to take over the travel details.  This means of course, I never really know what's happening day to day, but I know without a doubt that everything is set up and the details are in order.  
Because I'm not living in the constant state of worry or self protection, I've also missed my daily/hourly talks with God.  

So.  Here's what I'm going to do about it.  I'm taking (literally) a chapter out of Ann Voskamp's book and I'm documenting the many gifts God is sending my way every day.  I'll post photos of these many gifts either here on my website, or on my Twitter or Facebook pages.  I may not be consistent, but its a start in my goal to simply live in the moment. 

Here are a few photos/collages of gifts I've received in the past month:

 
 
I’m a stronghold
I’m a guarded fortress
dare you to break through

I’m a bolt of light
from the rolling clouds
to the valley deep

If I block you
I’m gonna do it devotedly
do you blame me

You are so free out beyond the towers
Can you even hear my calls to you?
I’m deep below the commotion 
Staring at the walls waiting for you to break through
Spend most dark nights holding onto ghosts I breeded in my youth
Still I need you

Still, within such love I feel unworthy
We’re scaling over mountains and glens
You’ve got me swaying over headland
You are the unconfined man

I’m a stronghold 
I’m a guarded fortress
dare you break through

I’m a bolt of light
from the rolling clouds 
to the valley deep

If I love you
I’m gonna do it devotedly
do you blame me?

 
 
So I made this promise that I'd write something everyday.  And I'm doing.... alright... with this new pledge.  It's still new.  TODAY, however, I am NOT inspired.  I have not one iota of creative energy to spurt out to the world.  I'm not going to fight this feeling because, of course, the more I fight it the more angry I get, then that leads to me feeling even less creative, which makes me more angry... its  a vicious cycle, indeed.  

So! I have no creative words for myself (or the world), but I DO have some thoughts that I've been pondering about myself.

1.  I am going through this phase of SEVERANCE from all that does not "feel good"  or sit well with me.

2.  After quitting my job I've developed this awesome ease of telling people PRECISELY how I feel.... without being mean or aggressive (I hope) and MAN does it feel good to be honest in the moment.

3.  I am realizing just how precious my time is.  And I'm getting very protective of my time.  Very protective.

It's only 3 things, but MAN are these things changing my LIFE! 



 
 
I’m tired of being deep
Tired of thinking deep
dreaming deep
revolutions and butterflies

Tired of the conspiracies
dark theories
reparations and judging eyes

I’m over being deep

Cause the truth is
I’d rather gaze at art because its pretty... not because of the story it tells
Sit and absorb the colors, the textures, and time that each pieces was dealt

I’d rather not think about big words and rhyming 
it all just gets in the way
I’d rather spit my words out and say what I really want to say

I’d rather eat ice cream and cookies because it makes me feel good
not count calories or eat just broccoli, or drone over how good food is no good

I’m tired of being deep
It drains me
saddens me
weighs heavy on me
Makes me anxious
fidgety
angry

All these things I’m feeling right now!  
So here I am 
Too deep about being fed up with deep
Just call me surface
blasé
bland
out of touch

I sat in deep way too long and saw and thought way too much
Just give me simple
easy
peaches and cream
let me sit on the easy sands before jumping back into the storm


 
 
I started out a shy girl
quiet girl
blind girl
Hiding behind the black and white

I was a strong girl
tough girl
serious girl
Hardening my heart to the mean in the world

I could be the fun girl
happy girl
laughing girl
Heavy with jokes to please all

I am secretly the smart girl
wise girl
opinionated girl
Scared to speak up because I hate a good fight

I want to be the famous girl
talented girl
diva girl
Singing my soul to the world

But the strong girl
The fun girl
The smart girl
Is too shy to be the diva girl when the camera comes out

and he asks, “How are you gonna make it if you hate the flashing lights”

I have the determination of strong WOMEN pumping through my veins.
Wise Women
Funny Women
Stoic Women
Smart Women
Happy Women
Diva Women
Determined Women


 
 
My new pledge to myself is to try try try and write SOMETHING everyday.  Even if I don't like it.  Or use it.  For some reason I just got the urge to post one.  I doubt anyone will really read this and this is more for me.  BUT I will say this: Forgive me for the non rhyming of this one .... but I woke up and the first thing I did was write this:


You were in my bed last night
You gazed at me in wander
Held my hand as we lay
I felt your touch upon my stomach
Your fingers graze my face

In my bed I was bold
Looked you in the eyes
Spoke my mind
with love I stroked your hair
all the while wondering why

Why my boldness disappears
when light is upon us both
why my lips speak the mundane
as my heart cries out for your touch
why my gaze can never land on your face

With you I experience the kindness of a man
The closeness of a friend
The innocent touch or grasp
that leaves me yearning for more
More than I can ask

If only I was bold 
I’d ask you direct
to give me just one night of wander
gazes so deep, hands clasped
and fingers upon my face

If only I was bold
I’d tell you you were beautiful
I’d tell you that when I look at you I see so much more
I’d tell you that I crave your gaze, even if fleeting
I’d tell you that of our friendship, I want more

That I want you in my bed tonight
gazing at me in wander
holding my hand as we lay
to feel your hand upon my stomach
your fingers upon my face
 
 
This is new music week folks.  You can download the single/title track, "Home Again", at www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KyshonaArmstrong now!  

AND! We had a great album release concert at Classic City Community Church this past Sunday for the new collaborative album, "Leave Your Guns With the Usher".  Classic City Collective is Michael Whitworth, Paul Reeves, Emily Hearn, Justin Reynolds, Caroline Eddleman, Kyshona Armstrong, Lane Mosely, Sam Heilig and Ben Thompson.... all singer/songwriters, musicians, and vocalists in the Athens community.  I must say, it is definitely an amazing album and collaboration of original praise and worship songs.  Download it on iTunes now!  

I have more I'd like to tell you about.. but I must go therapize some elders.  

LOVES!
 
 
It's Official yall!  I've got a website!  And I'm going to try my hand at blogging again =)  Much love and thanks to Cindy Reynolds of Costa Creative for setting up this website.  Visit her at http://www.costa-creative.com to see more of her work. 

Here we go yo!